• Vesuvius Percival

Why Does Believing In Yourself Lead To Failure?

Sitting in my bathroom doorway, looking at my phone’s screen, I slowly sank to my knees in shock. It had happened again, another failure. My start-up business had hit a dead end for what felt like the hundredth time. We were for sure going to turn belly-up now. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but my health had been suffering from the constant stress of hustling, and this time around, about a week ago I had a bad break-up with my now ex-boyfriend too.

As I felt the anxiety slowly build up inside of me, making me sick, I dropped my phone and crossed my arms across my waist. Tightening my fists in frustration, it was as if I was starting to lose everything, as if I was powerless over making my life better, as if the whole world was set against me.

How silly of a notion, but I was starting to question everything. Was there something wrong with me? Or was I doing something wrong? I had the passion, the determination, and drive to work on my dreams. I believed that I could make anything happen with enough “oomph”, but what ingredient was missing? What life lesson, what hidden secret did I miss over the years?

Suddenly finding myself thumbing through my filing cabinet, looking for a clue, an old piece of paper sitting in a sheet protector stuck out, like a calling from the universe. Picking it up, I proceeded to gently sit myself down on a nearby seat and scan it over. It was actually a few pages stuck together that were saved from a book. At the top, the chapter title read, “Belief is For Doubters, Knowing Brings Success”. A cheeky title, but it piqued my curiosity. Before I could read on, my heart throbbed once more; signed down below it read, “I love you sweetie, don’t ever forget to say YES to yourself and know your worth. With love, grandma”. Ruining my make-up, tears dripped down my cheeks. I could hardly focus. Grams and I had been so close, up until she passed away a few years ago.

Trying to catch my breath I asked myself, “Could this day get any worse, how much more heartbreak must I endure?” Calming down after a few minutes of old memories, my eyes swept back over the page. This wasn’t a curse, but more like grandma’s final blessing. She must have hidden this as a little surprise for me, just like all the other games we used to play with one another. With renewed vigor, I fervently read on and then flipped the page. Quickly drawing my eyes towards it, on the back was a peculiar complex diagram that seemed from out of this world. I couldn’t quite make sense of it, but underneath it read,

“Belief is but for those who do not understand, flimsy in regards of truth and prosperity. Gnosis, the power of applied experiential data is what will bring you to transcend yourself and come to truth. You are a cocreator with all of existence. Come to KNOW THYSELF”. Puzzled, I tried making more sense out of the diagram that looked like a tree with many inscriptions.

Unable to decipher much, after a few more moments, I read on, “When we believe something is true, we are inherently admitting a lack of complete certainty. This is why preachers insist upon having such conviction in one’s belief, for we are taking a leap of faith across the unknown, betting that we will be gifted with grace as to cross to the other side. While this may work fine for those connecting with their higher power, it pails in comparison to simply knowing what is the truth or not, for the human psyche often attacks itself through doubt, regardless if the individual has strong belief or not. Indeed, belief is a lackluster form to apply to the rest of our life when we could rather be acting from a place of complete certainty, and while this bears risk to arrogant behavior, if one learns how to be completely honest with oneself, all will be revealed and true abundance of both in the internal and external world shall take place. I ask you this, “If a believer is uncertain with themselves, how does that pan out in their interactions? Does that sound as if it is coming from a place of empowerment and knowing, or more like from a place of speculative hope? If you knew how to operate from a place of complete honesty and knowing your worth in every situation, what do you think you could manifest as a result?”

Quizzically examining the rest of the remaining pages, it taught some foundational steps into this, foreign to me, process called gnosis. Placing the pages next to my bedside, I reflected upon what was said and all the weird terms grandma had occasionally slipped into conversation over the years such as, awakening, the truth of reality, and universal laws. It was as if she was trying to lead me up to this moment, this process of discovering what more life had to offer. It was as if grandma was still watching after all these years.

Over the next several weeks, I continued to practice the information written in those pages. They gripped into me like a fresh breath of air. It was like living for the first time ever. Each day I was learning how to take my problems and turn them around, as if I was weaving new life into existence. I no longer needed to believe in myself, for I now knew with certainty how to hold myself.

Suddenly, new opportunities where there once were none started presenting themselves for my start-up business. My friendships were finding depths like never before, and even a tall handsome charming man with eyes that glistened like the sun, asked me out on a date. Things were turning up.

I’ve really reached it, this realm of abundance. I’ve come to what feels like the other side, the comfort of knowing who I am, and exactly what it means to say YES to myself.

Thanks grams, I know you’re smiling upon me from wherever you are.

This story is about the distinct philosophical difference between belief (pistis) and gnosis, and hints into The Law of Attraction and the nature of how the spiritually awakened are going to primarily uncover much of their abundance through the process formally known as gnosis, as opposed to belief. Unbeknownst to them, most spiritualists are using gnosis to some degree or other, as to elevate their consciousness, but many have little to no idea of the exact framework and psycho-spiritual mechanics behind it.

If you are wanting to learn more and explore your spiritual awakening with me, please follow the links below. We are the ones we've been waiting for. All the soul-utions needed for humanity already exist, we just need to reveal them to the world. You matter, your dreams matter, and I appreciate the light you bring into this world.

Blessings, your friend,



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